Treasury Secretary Geithner Refuses Award from National Bedtime Storytellers Association (NBSA)

Throws NBSA Trophy from 37th Story Window Injuring Former Special Olympics Bowling Medalist



Shortly after his announcement of the government’s plan to buy up toxic assets to once again save the world from certain ruin, Timothy Geithner was awarded the coveted NBSA Storyteller of the Year award and was rumored to have been put on the fast-track to their “Bunk Bed Hall of Fame”.

NBSA chairperson, Misty Dozer, heard Mr. Geithner’s speech Monday and immediately knew she had been part of something special. Mrs. Dozer explained, “Never in all my days have I heard such a moving tale of wonder, magic and make-believe shared with such a broad audience. We are used to hearing of special moments between loving parents sharing these types of fairytales with their children in the privacy of their homes and occasionally in a school setting, but Mr. Geithner has raised the bar by weaving an elegant tapestry of so many classics into one story. And the fact that millions of people around the world were there to hear it makes it that much more magical.”

Timothy (does ‘billion’ start with a ‘b’ or a tr’?) Geithner responded by saying, “I haven’t the slightest idea of what this unbalanced woman is talking about. My remarks on Monday regarding the government's willingness to shoulder the burden of a trillion dollars in toxic assets for the long-term good of the economy and America’s future has nothing to do with fairytales or bedtime stories. I can only speculate that Rush Limbaugh or the Michigan Militia put Mrs. Dozer up to this. Nothing else makes sense.”

Upon hearing of Mr. Geithner’s reply and his refusal to accept NBSA’s award, Mrs. Dozer didn’t seem surprised. “Gifted storytellers like this don’t come along often and when they do, they are the last ones to want to be given praise for their natural talents. But anyone who can create a yarn like the one we just heard, (pushing back a tear) Mother Goose would be proud. I mean, think of what this man just did- he took elements of some of our most beloved bedtime stories and made them into a modern day fable that rivals Rumpelstilskin or The Three Little Pigs- and with a confidence and tone that reminded me that he MUST have been telling a story. No one I know can talk seriously about burdening future generations with yet ANOTHER trillion dollars of debt as a good thing and keep a straight face.”

“But as a tale not unlike moldy barn straw being spun into gold by a sadistic elf or a dried up bean turning into a beanstalk that leads to a giant box full of pieces of gold the size of Barney Frank’s head or a goose that eats bugs and dirt and lays golden eggs- the man is a genius. Turning toxic assets into something as good as gold- and I thought the art of storytelling was dead. This country needed a good tale to calm our nerves and boy did we get one.”

Mr. Geithner was not available for further comment, but was heard to be working on his next sure-to-be-classic about a band of pigs that robbed from the middle class and gave the money to investment bankers and the wolf who was living in the $5 million mansion granny had purchased with only a basket of cookies as a down payment.