The Boy Scouts to be Issued TARP Funds for Minor Concessions

Feeling the effects of a struggling economy, the Boy Scouts are considering government TARP funds with the understanding that they must update their organization to reflect a more contemporary look and ideology.

Washington insiders have leaked a few details of the first wave of changes, which are being directed by the recently appointed Scout Czar, Boy George. As a token gesture to pacify those angered at the inclusion of girls and transgendered species into the organization, the government will allow the Scouting organization to keep the "Boy" in "Boy Scouts" as long as Boy George retains his place as Scouting Czar. Mr. George has indicated that he is considering Winona Ryder and Chris Rock as co-Czars.

Mr. George's first priority appears to be that of modernizing the Scout Oath and while the final version has yet to be officially released, a draft is as follows:


On our honor we will do our best,
To take what’s ours and steal the rest,

We'll chew tobacco and smoke cigars,
And push old ladies in front of cars,

Dress up like a girl just for sport,
If you don't like your neighbor, take him to court,

Diversity and deviancy are our key team motto,
If you can't make it in music, there's always the lotto.


Other changes are rumored to include union dues to support a Boy Scout jobs bank and uniform modifications courtesy of the newly appointed Boy Scout uniform Czar, Elton John.

For more information, visit the Boy Scouts at their new website: www.boygeorgescouts.gov.