President Obama Offers $100 Billion in TARP Funds as Apology for “Special Olympics” Comment

After jokingly saying that his bowling skills are “like the Special Olympics” during a late night interview with Jay Leno, President Obama quickly offered TAPR funds to the Special Olympics Committee as an apology for his remarks. He also had another check for $50 Billion cut and sent to Kellogg’s, makers of Special K cereal in hopes of heading off a backlash by other groups who may have been offended by his comments.

David Axelrod later clarified that the $100 billion is actually a “loan” but expects that once the economy turns around, the Special Olympic kids will have no trouble repaying the loan through various fund raisers and additional events.

Early on in his attempts to gloss over his odious comment, President Obama claimed he had been misquoted and actually said “spectal olimphics”. When he later discovered that “spectal” and “olimphics” are not actual words, he was quoted to say, “See how that happens?! The press misquoted me again. What I really said was ‘spectacle eliptics’.”

Later in the day, the president shifted tactics and blamed the incident on a catastrophic teleprompter malfunction and added that some of his best friends had participated in and in some cases, given their lives while serving in the Special Olympics.